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Empty…

July 23, 2012 2 comments

Empty.

The house was empty. And the emptiness bore down on him. It approached slowly but surely, making sure he saw it grow and envelop him, suffocating him, crushing him – sitting on his chest, like a giant weight, that made it difficult to breathe. He had to escape.

He drove. He turned up the volume, till the music filled up the car, and he couldn’t hear his own thoughts. Thoughts about how much she despised this music he listened to. Thoughts about what good music meant…

The church was full of people. The pastor preached and he listened. The Word of God would save him. It would take over. He closed his eyes and sang along with the multitude. They were the same songs he remembered her singing beside him, her hand in his. He saw in His eyes, the love she had had in hers. The love he missed.

The mall was full of people. The low homogenous rumble of the mass of humanity going about its business. It was like static. Calming, filling, non-specific. His mind lulled, he walked about, losing himself in things – clothes, watches, shoes, books… Until he got too close to a snatch of conversation; that penetrated through the ether and stabbed at his mind. And the illusion was broken; the quiet was no more…

He was at the beach. Sat in the sand, and looking at the waves gave him peace like it always did. The natural rhythm of waves was unceasing, hypnotic. They slowed, they accelerated they grew bigger and they became smaller, but they never stopped. They kept coming back…

Just like the memories…

He tried to crowd them out, he tried to fill the void up. But it was like the house. The new IKEA sofa-set, the bookshelf, the new wardrobe with a bunch of new clothes, a new set of dinner plates, the new bed with the latest memory foam mattress, things – little and large… All that stuff… it did nothing. It only served to magnify the existence of what was not there. All it did was tell him, scream at him, how he felt…

Empty.

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Categories: life, Ramble, Uncategorized